Following Through the Fog

Ever pray for clarity? I have—but maybe we’re not supposed to.

In 2005, while I was working in film, video, and graphic design, God called me to serve in full-time ministry instead. A year later, I was on staff at a church.

In 2011, when I was a pastor at that church, God called me to resign and go to Japan as a missionary. Two years later, my family moved to Japan.

In 2014, while we were in Japan, God called Soo and me to leave and to go to Santa Ana. I also felt called to children’s ministry. A year later, I was a kids’ pastor in Santa Ana.

Then, just weeks after my one-year anniversary in that role, I unexpectedly had to find a new job.

I was stunned. Confused. Had I discerned God’s will correctly? Didn’t He call me to take this role in Santa Ana, or was I wrong to leave Japan?

Was this punishment for disobedience?

Had God given up on me?

It was a terrifying time of uncertainty. I prayed for direction. I asked for guidance. But I heard no response.

Then, I began to pray that popular but misguided prayer: the prayer for clarity.

But clarity never came. No signs. No dreams. No burning bush.

I found myself in a fog, unable to see anything around me, much less where the road ahead was leading.

I scrambled to find another job, asking everyone I could if they knew of any leads. One friend asked me what I’d like to be doing, and with no clear direction from God, I shrugged and muttered offhandedly, “I’d love to be a writer, but I don’t think there are any full-time writing jobs out there.”

Doubtful that I’d ever find such work, I kept praying and asking God, “What should I do next?”

Again, silence—at least, that’s what I perceived.

In a move that could only be by God’s hand, I quickly landed a new job as a writer—for a Christian mission, no less—and the role involved videography and graphic production work as well. It was almost tailor-made for me and yet, I would continue to ask God what He wanted me to be doing with my life.

I’d pray but hear no answers. Instead, I sensed the still, small voice of God, saying, “Just follow me.”

“I’m trying to follow You, God,” I’d sigh in exasperation, “but I can’t see where You’re going.”

What I failed to understand was that to follow God means to follow SomeOne, not follow someone someWhere to do someThing.

God wasn’t asking me to do anything specific for work, which I had conflated with calling. My true calling is to simply follow God, like a child following a parent, unconcerned with where they’re headed or how they’ll get there.

The child simply trusts the parent, obeys directions, and finds joyful contentment in being together.

A few months ago, I was in Vietnam to shoot video for work, and there was a moment in which a poor widow was grasping my hands, thanking me profusely, through tears, for helping to provide a wheelchair for her son, an orphan whom she had adopted. I was even asked to pray for him.

As I knelt on the ground and laid hands to pray, it hit me that there was no place I’d rather be than where I was in that moment—on a mission, reaching out to the unchurched, praying for someone, serving children and families, shooting a video, telling a story, and being a voice for people with disabilities—and I never would have gotten to that point had I not gone through pain and wandered through the fog first.

God had redeemed one of my darkest seasons.

Even though I couldn’t see where He was leading me, God was always there, orchestrating events while I panicked about the lack of clarity.

Through it all, God has been teaching me to trust Him enough to no longer ask Him for clarity, but instead, to ask myself, “How can I follow Jesus today?”

Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;
    bind them around your neck;
    write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good success
    in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:3-6 ESV)