Following God’s calling doesn’t always make sense.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” (Isaiah 6:8 NIV)

A missionary believes he is called by God to a place considered dangerous.

People are torn about his decision. Some encourage him to go. Others discourage him from going, calling his plan foolhardy and misguided.

Furthermore, some assert that, should the missionary carry through with his plan to go, he could endanger the local people.

His motives—and sanity—are questioned.

He is accused of having a savior complex.

In spite of it all, the missionary proceeds with his trip.

Am I talking about John Allen Chau, the missionary who was killed while attempting to land on Sentinel Island?

Or am I talking about myself, the leader of a mission trip to Japan one week after an earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear disaster struck the country on March 11, 2011?

1.    Your motives will be questioned

I am neither condoning nor condemning Chau’s actions. I can’t.

I, of all people, should be the last to pass judgment on him.

Maybe God told him to go to the Andamans. Maybe God didn’t. The only one who knows for certain is God.

All I know is that, for as long as I have tried to follow Jesus Christ, I have often done things seen as foolish—even by fellow Christians.

I first felt called to lead a mission team to Japan in fall of 2010 and started planning the trip in January 2011. This was two months before the triple disaster of March 11th.

When we started telling others about this trip, some were skeptical of our motives, asking, “Why Japan?”

They said things like:

• Japan is not a needy country. There are no schools for a mission team to build, no water wells to dig.
• In fact, Japan is a wealthy country and a trip there would be expensive.
• Is this “mission trip” just a way to get supporters to fund a vacation to Tokyo?
• Missions to Japan bear little fruit. This trip would be a waste of time and money.

Our team prayed a lot—most of us were on the prayer team and this was our MO. We all felt called to go and booked our flights at the end of January.

Our departure date? March 17, 2011.

When the disaster struck Japan exactly one week prior to our trip (March 11^th in Japan was still March 10^th in Los Angeles), our team prayed for more discernment. Should we cancel the trip or proceed with it?

2.   The discernment process is intense (or at least it should be)

Some people saw our departure date not as a coincidence, but as evidence of God’s plan. These people encouraged us to go. “(You were called) for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).

Others expected us to cancel the trip. We understood those who were concerned for our safety, but there were a few who made stinging comments:

• Do you think you’re a superhero?
• You, as a leader, are just trying to make a name for yourself by proceeding with this trip.
• Your pride is putting the rest of the team in danger.
• If you go through with this trip, you would burden the Japanese people by using up their resources in the aftermath of disaster. Are you going to bring your own food and water?

As the team leader, I prayed intensely for continued discernment during one of the longest, most challenging weeks of my life.

I took an unflinching look at my own heart and motives. After much reflection, I did not believe that I was driven by pride or personal gain.

There was nothing to gain by going. If anything, I was fearful of what I could lose.

As I was processing and discerning with my wife, I said to her, “You know, if I go, there’s a chance I might not come back.”

In a reverse-Han-Solo move, she replied, “I know.” She continued, “But if God called you to do this, you need to go.”

And I went.

All ten members of the team left for Japan on March 17th, despite multiple opportunities to opt out of the trip.

Were we crazy? Perhaps.

3. Love compels us

After decades of avoiding Christianity, I surrendered to Jesus’ unrelenting pursuit of me, and when I finally came to know God, I couldn’t help but exclaim, “Here I am, Lord, send me!” (Isa. 6:8)

Love compels us to do “crazy” things—things that we wouldn’t normally do.

And when we know the gracious, abounding love of Jesus Christ—when we finally realize how dead we are without Him, and how we never truly felt alive before we knew Him—we can’t help but want to share this life-giving love with others.

Missionaries and evangelists like John Allen Chau are often described as trying to “convert” people to Christianity.

I bristle at this word. “Convert” suggests an effort to make other people adopt our views, become more like us, and cease being different from us.

That never was, nor is, my intent as a missionary.

My team didn’t go to Japan to convert anybody.

My family didn’t move to Japan to convert anybody.

We went to Japan because love compelled us.

God loves the world, and when we personally know His love, we love the world, too. “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

Was John Allen Chau compelled by this love? Only God knows, and whatever your thoughts are on the matter, let’s remember that this young man died for what he believed in.

This, in an age when some of us won’t even live out our faith, much less die for it.

Rest in peace, Mr. Chau.