Fight or flight?
Three different friends of mine recently encouraged me to read A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards, who challenges the reader to identify which king he or she is most like: Saul, David, or Absalom. Certainly, no one wants to be identified with Saul, who was jealous, angry, and disobedient. Most readers would probably prefer to be like David, a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22), but is this an easy thing to do? When King Saul pursued David and tried to kill him, David did nothing against the King, even when he had the chance to kill Saul while the latter was vulnerable, relieving himself in a cave (1 Sam. 24). “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him,” said David to his men, “for he is the anointed of the Lord.”
In the book, a crisply-written dramatization of the story of David, Abishai tells him, “Saul was evil toward you and made your life torture. You responded only with respect and private agony. The bad things that happened in those days came only from one side. All fell on you. Yet you could have divided the kingdom and probably could have overthrown Saul. But rather than do that, you left the kingdom. You fled rather than cause division.”
That last part gave me pause. David fled for the sake of unity. He fled for the sake of the kingdom. Is it sometimes better to flee from a conflict?
Perhaps it’s better to part ways in peace.
In Genesis 13, Abram and his nephew, Lot, were moving their households and livestock from Egypt when their respective parties began to argue with one another.
“So Abram said to Lot, ‘Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.’” (Genesis 13:8-9 NIV)
And in the New Testament, Barnabas and Paul “had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company” (Acts 15:39). Really? Barnabas, the “son of encouragement” (Acts 4:36) who took to Paul, the recent convert, and advocated for him when no one else would (Acts 9:27)? Barnabas and Paul, who, as a team, shared the good news about Jesus throughout the Roman Empire, performing such incredible signs and wonders that they were thought to be Zeus and Hermes (Acts 14:12)?
Even this dynamic duo parted ways.
When two Christian leaders disagree, perhaps it’s better for them to simply part ways rather than engage in a prolonged conflict. I’m talking about a peaceful parting of ways, with each one blessing the other, and not an ugly parting that leads to church splits and fights over the flock. (By the way, what I’m saying does not apply to married couples– Jesus had some words about divorce, but that’s a complicated matter worthy of its own website. Go see a counselor before you even think about breaking the covenant you made with God and your spouse.)
Rather than quarrel, Abram went one way with his herd and Lot went the other with his. Yet, when trouble came, they would still be there for one another, for they were close relatives. Abram rescued Lot when he was taken captive in Genesis 14. And when judgement fell upon Sodom, where Lot and his household had settled, Abram pleaded with God to refrain from destroying the city (Gen. 18).
If you’re engaged in a disagreement with a brother or sister in Christ and come to a head, first remember that you’ll probably be together for all of eternity, so you might as well try to work through your issues now. At least forgive the other person– Jesus said, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25). If you still cannot resolve your conflict, maybe it’s time to go your separate ways, in peace.
Parting ways does not have to stem from animosity. Parting ways can be motivated by love, for the sake of unity and peace, as it was with David when he chose to flee Saul rather than fight him. And parting ways does not have to be permanent, demonstrated by Abram and his nephew, Lot.
Let’s not have any quarreling, for we are close relatives.
Let’s part company.
